She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
