I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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