you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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