omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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