the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
