Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I understand Curling. That high.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
