I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
