So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
