she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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