I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
