It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
