The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize