Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
God, I missed his penis.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
