I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
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