Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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