I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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