Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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