Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
