glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
