You're my little dorito
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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