Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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