toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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