youre lurking in front of me
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
