I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
