Slut skills are useful in every country.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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