I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
