You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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