how can u be prego again
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
