But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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