He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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