I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
