May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
