I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
