Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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