why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Randomize
