Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
