She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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