I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
