so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
