it hurts more in the daytime
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
