Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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