marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
