TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
He did a backflip because drugs
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
