I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
