dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
