if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize