Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
