You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
