Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
