I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Randomize
